5/10/07
I was just talking to John about what my master teaches me. It was about throwing out old pants instead of patching them by cutting up new pants and saying, "look, new pants." It is actually wearing the new pants. It is also about how much we think traditional ways seem better when ways of the spirit are revolutionarily controversial. New pants is about what type of disciple you are; a disciple of pharisees, John the baptiser, some guy or tradition or denomination,... or of Jesus. Disciples of Jesus follow him. I suspect it is also about deep intimacy with him. New pants are, "What now Jesus?", life in the spirit instead of traditions. Let's all pause to let Jesus burn what we think we know about him and the spirit.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Monday, August 20, 2007
(Your name here)'s Life
Step 1
Take out a piece of paper. Title it at the top with your name, like this: "Ben's Life". Write down everything you are and what your life stands for. Include everything important such as God, church, ministry, family, friends, career, home, retirement plans, vacation time, etc. Is God using you and these things for His glory or are you using them for yours? His pleasure or yours? Are they his plans or yours? Are you following God or someone or something other than God? To live IS Christ (everywhere and always).
Step 2
After you have considered your life with respect to God's perspective; form the paper into a tight dense ball. Throw it into a trash can. Now consider AGAIN your life; only this time remembering Jesus IS your life. Venture further realizing each one of us is only part of God's plan. We should have no individual sheets; but if we do we are living wrongly. There should only be one sheet. The title of that sheet is JESUS! We are on His sheet. Anything else would be less than the best. A proud man struggles in vain for things he thinks he achieves. God does wonders though all who are his.
Take out a piece of paper. Title it at the top with your name, like this: "Ben's Life". Write down everything you are and what your life stands for. Include everything important such as God, church, ministry, family, friends, career, home, retirement plans, vacation time, etc. Is God using you and these things for His glory or are you using them for yours? His pleasure or yours? Are they his plans or yours? Are you following God or someone or something other than God? To live IS Christ (everywhere and always).
Step 2
After you have considered your life with respect to God's perspective; form the paper into a tight dense ball. Throw it into a trash can. Now consider AGAIN your life; only this time remembering Jesus IS your life. Venture further realizing each one of us is only part of God's plan. We should have no individual sheets; but if we do we are living wrongly. There should only be one sheet. The title of that sheet is JESUS! We are on His sheet. Anything else would be less than the best. A proud man struggles in vain for things he thinks he achieves. God does wonders though all who are his.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Who is this psalm about?
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent.
Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the praise of Israel.
In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them.
They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.
But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by men and despised by the people.
All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads:
"He trusts in the LORD; let the LORD rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him."
Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you even at my mother's breast.
From birth I was cast upon you; from my mother's womb you have been my God.
Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help.
Many bulls surround me; strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
Roaring lions tearing their prey open their mouths wide against me.
I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me.
My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death.
Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet.
I can count all my bones; people stare and gloat over me.
They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.
But you, O LORD, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.
Deliver my life from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs.
Rescue me from the mouth of the lions; save me from the horns of the wild oxen.
I will declare your name to my brothers; in the congregation I will praise you.
You who fear the LORD, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.
From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly; before those who fear you will I fulfill my vows.
The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him— may your hearts live forever!
All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him,
for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
All the rich of the earth will feast and worship; all who go down to the dust will kneel before him— those who cannot keep themselves alive.
Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord.
They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn— for he has done it.
O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent.
Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the praise of Israel.
In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them.
They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.
But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by men and despised by the people.
All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads:
"He trusts in the LORD; let the LORD rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him."
Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you even at my mother's breast.
From birth I was cast upon you; from my mother's womb you have been my God.
Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help.
Many bulls surround me; strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
Roaring lions tearing their prey open their mouths wide against me.
I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me.
My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death.
Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet.
I can count all my bones; people stare and gloat over me.
They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.
But you, O LORD, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.
Deliver my life from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs.
Rescue me from the mouth of the lions; save me from the horns of the wild oxen.
I will declare your name to my brothers; in the congregation I will praise you.
You who fear the LORD, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.
From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly; before those who fear you will I fulfill my vows.
The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him— may your hearts live forever!
All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him,
for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
All the rich of the earth will feast and worship; all who go down to the dust will kneel before him— those who cannot keep themselves alive.
Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord.
They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn— for he has done it.
Friday, July 6, 2007
Who is worthy? Who is able?
Then I saw in the right hand of him who sat on the throne a scroll with writing on both sides and sealed with seven seals. And I saw a mighty angel proclaiming in a loud voice, "Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?" But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth could open the scroll or even look inside it. I wept and wept because no one was found who was worthy to open the scroll or look inside. Then one of the elders said to me, "Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals."
Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. He had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth. He came and took the scroll from the right hand of him who sat on the throne. And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints. And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth."
Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they sang: "Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!"
Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing: "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!" The four living creatures said, "Amen," and the elders fell down and worshiped.
Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. He had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth. He came and took the scroll from the right hand of him who sat on the throne. And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints. And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth."
Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they sang: "Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!"
Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing: "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!" The four living creatures said, "Amen," and the elders fell down and worshiped.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Contemplative Faith?
Worship without evangelism is weak.
Believing without acting upon the belief is fake.
What good is knowledge unless it is put to use and/or taught to others.
Satisfaction in Christ without prophesying is hypocrisy.
Commitment to Christ without love shown to your fellow man is ignorance.
If we aren't doing the work of God, we aren't connected to him. Doing work for him without being connected to him is no better or worse; its the same.
Doing things your own way and thinking you know best instead of seeking answers and help from God and his people is stubbornness.
What is religion without the Holy Spirit inside us, making us who we are.
Loving God yet not having or trying hard to have Christian community that is like a close family, is divisive and paraplegic.
Community without dynamically seeking the growth of all believers and nonbelievers via all the things available to the body as a whole is lazy, habitual, uncaring and blind.
Faith without works is dead.
Believing without acting upon the belief is fake.
What good is knowledge unless it is put to use and/or taught to others.
Satisfaction in Christ without prophesying is hypocrisy.
Commitment to Christ without love shown to your fellow man is ignorance.
If we aren't doing the work of God, we aren't connected to him. Doing work for him without being connected to him is no better or worse; its the same.
Doing things your own way and thinking you know best instead of seeking answers and help from God and his people is stubbornness.
What is religion without the Holy Spirit inside us, making us who we are.
Loving God yet not having or trying hard to have Christian community that is like a close family, is divisive and paraplegic.
Community without dynamically seeking the growth of all believers and nonbelievers via all the things available to the body as a whole is lazy, habitual, uncaring and blind.
Faith without works is dead.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Last Saturday (5/5/07) in Dallas
John didn't make a post on his blog since he is fasting from the internet, so I am typing one.
Downtown with the homeless church we read the second half of chapter 12 of John. I encouraged (or pleaded) the guys to try to read chapter's 13 through 17 by next Saturday (5-12-07) because it goes together as one conversation. It is also very rich and deep with truth, wisdom, Spirit and life. Taking five weeks to read it once a week would dilute its power. I want them to read every day.
One brother showed up two hours late and mildly drunk. I was angry that he was drunk so I did not greet him or even look at him. If he could only be open to admit his sinfulness to himself, to God and to us; God would heal him by faith, delivering him from his slavery. Later I was hanging out near this man, while the others were talking; he told me, "You've changed Ben." We talked a little, which repaired our friendship some.
After reading, John and the guys went to the Urban Market. I ran into a couple guys, one who didn't know we were in the library and one who had been distancing himself from the fellowship. We went to the Urban Market to join the others. John got drinks, medicine and oranges for the guys. We were hanging out talking for ten minutes when a couple store workers came out telling us we couldn't congregate there. There were nine of us standing there about to leave when this happened. Immediately we left. Everett turned and said "We're not bums." I asked the worker why [we had to leave]. The worker said he was just following the rules. Angry, I stopped, faced him, and said "You don't even know the rules, you're just doing what your boss told you to do." He said nothing and went in. John and I were angry because we don't get treated the way our homeless brothers do, but they told us to forget it.
John left and took three guys to Awakening house church. I hung out a little longer with George and Everett. We talked about disfellowship and about Everett's heart for God.
I left.
John called to tell me John Sanders wants to get baptised. He was baptised twice as a nonbeliever because his mom made him. He says he didn't start believing until John and me and the other guys started hanging out on Saturdays. Cool, huh? Praise Jesus.
Downtown with the homeless church we read the second half of chapter 12 of John. I encouraged (or pleaded) the guys to try to read chapter's 13 through 17 by next Saturday (5-12-07) because it goes together as one conversation. It is also very rich and deep with truth, wisdom, Spirit and life. Taking five weeks to read it once a week would dilute its power. I want them to read every day.
One brother showed up two hours late and mildly drunk. I was angry that he was drunk so I did not greet him or even look at him. If he could only be open to admit his sinfulness to himself, to God and to us; God would heal him by faith, delivering him from his slavery. Later I was hanging out near this man, while the others were talking; he told me, "You've changed Ben." We talked a little, which repaired our friendship some.
After reading, John and the guys went to the Urban Market. I ran into a couple guys, one who didn't know we were in the library and one who had been distancing himself from the fellowship. We went to the Urban Market to join the others. John got drinks, medicine and oranges for the guys. We were hanging out talking for ten minutes when a couple store workers came out telling us we couldn't congregate there. There were nine of us standing there about to leave when this happened. Immediately we left. Everett turned and said "We're not bums." I asked the worker why [we had to leave]. The worker said he was just following the rules. Angry, I stopped, faced him, and said "You don't even know the rules, you're just doing what your boss told you to do." He said nothing and went in. John and I were angry because we don't get treated the way our homeless brothers do, but they told us to forget it.
John left and took three guys to Awakening house church. I hung out a little longer with George and Everett. We talked about disfellowship and about Everett's heart for God.
I left.
John called to tell me John Sanders wants to get baptised. He was baptised twice as a nonbeliever because his mom made him. He says he didn't start believing until John and me and the other guys started hanging out on Saturdays. Cool, huh? Praise Jesus.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Don't Look Back
When Jesus says, "Follow me." don't look back at the things you will be leaving. He once told some guy to follow him BUT the guy wanted to go say bye to his family. Jesus told him, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." (Luke 9) Convicting, isn't it? Are you unwilling to follow Jesus like that? I don't know about myself. What earthly things do you prize above the Kingdom of Heaven? They can be very subtle. Sometimes we can't list them. Single-mindedness is hard, isn't it. But God is trustworthy to answer our prayers and fulfill his promises to us.
Dad's Gift
Humans seek things that have to play out a certain way. "Happiness" is dependent on results and reception of their dreams and goals come true. We work for these things ourselves and they are our own; romance, careers, adventure, warfare, power, status, success, athletics, family. Sometimes, no, most times, we don't receive what earthly things we have sought after; they don't satisfy anyway.
Good parents give their kids good stuff. God makes any human parent look bad and inadequate. He gives the best gifts. His best gift is his Holy Spirit. We are told to ask for this gift. Whenever we ask for something from God, we can be bold and persistent as though God were someone to have a relationship with instead of a dead habit of traditional belief passed down to us by our moms. I want a continual filling to the point of unashamedly overflowing. God does stuff through us when we are overflowing. When we continually receive God's best gift for us, his Holy Spirit, we are completely satisfied with him. We live within his purposes a life of worship and knowledge of God. No matter what happens, we have joy. Give me that Jesus. Luke 11:13 says it better than I do. When I read the bible God reveals new stuff to me. Turn off the internet and read the bible.
Good parents give their kids good stuff. God makes any human parent look bad and inadequate. He gives the best gifts. His best gift is his Holy Spirit. We are told to ask for this gift. Whenever we ask for something from God, we can be bold and persistent as though God were someone to have a relationship with instead of a dead habit of traditional belief passed down to us by our moms. I want a continual filling to the point of unashamedly overflowing. God does stuff through us when we are overflowing. When we continually receive God's best gift for us, his Holy Spirit, we are completely satisfied with him. We live within his purposes a life of worship and knowledge of God. No matter what happens, we have joy. Give me that Jesus. Luke 11:13 says it better than I do. When I read the bible God reveals new stuff to me. Turn off the internet and read the bible.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
flesh or SPIRIT
Even though I am a Jesus follower, I sometimes am in the flesh. I love walking in the Spirit. Sometimes I am not fully abiding.
The flesh is still bad. Just because I am a Christian does not mean I have a half-way flesh. I know that for me, now, the flesh in its fullness would be something rotten and disgusting. These things I would definitely be: an unflinching murderer, a daily seducer and adulterer, a dedicated terrorist, a liar, full of prideful arrogant boastings about myself. I would seek power and try to control people. In the flesh I could not succeed in a marriage; "love" would escape me. I would have friends as filthy as me. Could I trust them? I would hate myself. My own son would kill me. The flesh side of me reminds me of the anti-christ.
Middle ground is similar to living life as a zombie. There is no direction to middle ground. Christians with weeds? Rocky ground? Burn it all. Let the land have a sabbath. God will do something with it. Deliver it to the evil it loves so that some day it may see its need for YHWH.
Live in the Spirit. I can only begin to describe the times when I live in the Spirit. It is precious to me. When I don't have it I want it. The reason it is good is because it is close relations with God. In the flesh we have plans for our life but in the Spirit God gives us the words to speak.
The flesh is still bad. Just because I am a Christian does not mean I have a half-way flesh. I know that for me, now, the flesh in its fullness would be something rotten and disgusting. These things I would definitely be: an unflinching murderer, a daily seducer and adulterer, a dedicated terrorist, a liar, full of prideful arrogant boastings about myself. I would seek power and try to control people. In the flesh I could not succeed in a marriage; "love" would escape me. I would have friends as filthy as me. Could I trust them? I would hate myself. My own son would kill me. The flesh side of me reminds me of the anti-christ.
Middle ground is similar to living life as a zombie. There is no direction to middle ground. Christians with weeds? Rocky ground? Burn it all. Let the land have a sabbath. God will do something with it. Deliver it to the evil it loves so that some day it may see its need for YHWH.
Live in the Spirit. I can only begin to describe the times when I live in the Spirit. It is precious to me. When I don't have it I want it. The reason it is good is because it is close relations with God. In the flesh we have plans for our life but in the Spirit God gives us the words to speak.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Risky Behavior
Follow the Spirit. Do it now; when he tells you. Live for him. Comfort, predictability, stability, safety, self-righteousness, and pride all leave when we truly step out in faith. Maybe he tells us to get out of the trench and charge the machine gun nests. That's insane. Let's do it anyway... together. Trust him. Jesus said he himself is real food and real life; more than anything we've ever known. That's stronger than a heart beating.
Mary Magdelene
When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons.
The end of Mark says she had seven demons cast out of her. She must have been walking in incredible freedom with Jesus after that. We know she loved Jesus desperately.
If you ever listen to the voice of Satan and agree with it, or let it affect you, or do what it says, you are oppressed and need deliverance.
Recognize the difference between Satanic thoughts, your own thoughts and God thoughts. Be connected in a community of believers that share thoughts, confess sins, pray together and all those other good things. Let's be open and ask each other for help. Let's listen to each other and bear each other's burdens. Also, let's cast out demons and encourage each other to look to Jesus.
The end of Mark says she had seven demons cast out of her. She must have been walking in incredible freedom with Jesus after that. We know she loved Jesus desperately.
If you ever listen to the voice of Satan and agree with it, or let it affect you, or do what it says, you are oppressed and need deliverance.
Recognize the difference between Satanic thoughts, your own thoughts and God thoughts. Be connected in a community of believers that share thoughts, confess sins, pray together and all those other good things. Let's be open and ask each other for help. Let's listen to each other and bear each other's burdens. Also, let's cast out demons and encourage each other to look to Jesus.
Meeting Transformation
When everyone in a weekly church meeting starts or supports something separate from the meeting, it becomes a leadership meeting or a network connection.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Abiding, Gifts, Fruit
Jesus said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."
Concerning new languages, I believe it is true because of when it says the signs that will follow will be casting out demons, speaking in new languages, protection, and healing. I didn't check but I thought I saw a prophecy in the prophets concerning new languages.
I think it can be counterfeited. Prophecy can be counterfeited. It happens all the time. False prophets are proven wrong. "Teachers" that can't teach. Wisdom or knowledge that is wrong. People can have fake faith and think it is real. That's fruitless.
I believe there is a common thread for all of this. When I am not abiding (aka: in the spirit or on fire for God) I cannot hear from God. I cannot serve others spiritually. I do not pray. I do not study. My heart is for the things of this world. I desire romance. I desire athletics. I desire adventure. I desire warfare. I am prideful. My attempts are vain. I am disconnected. I am fruitless.
When I abide, I hear from God, I pray and want to pray more, teaching overflows from me, evangelism happens naturally. When plugged into Jesus, prophetic thoughts flow like electricity. My heart is for Jesus, the church and the Kingdom of Heaven. At those times my life is only in Jesus the Savior. I am connected to God and thus a functioning member of the church, his body. True faith = much fruit.
Concerning new languages, I believe it is true because of when it says the signs that will follow will be casting out demons, speaking in new languages, protection, and healing. I didn't check but I thought I saw a prophecy in the prophets concerning new languages.
I think it can be counterfeited. Prophecy can be counterfeited. It happens all the time. False prophets are proven wrong. "Teachers" that can't teach. Wisdom or knowledge that is wrong. People can have fake faith and think it is real. That's fruitless.
I believe there is a common thread for all of this. When I am not abiding (aka: in the spirit or on fire for God) I cannot hear from God. I cannot serve others spiritually. I do not pray. I do not study. My heart is for the things of this world. I desire romance. I desire athletics. I desire adventure. I desire warfare. I am prideful. My attempts are vain. I am disconnected. I am fruitless.
When I abide, I hear from God, I pray and want to pray more, teaching overflows from me, evangelism happens naturally. When plugged into Jesus, prophetic thoughts flow like electricity. My heart is for Jesus, the church and the Kingdom of Heaven. At those times my life is only in Jesus the Savior. I am connected to God and thus a functioning member of the church, his body. True faith = much fruit.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Desires
I am delighting in YHWH and he is giving me the desires of His heart and they are my new desires.
Sometimes I find myself getting so excited about his work that I love his work more than I love him; the one the work is all about and the one who is doing the work. I need to constantly look to him and dwell in Jesus. That is my only need; not air, food, friends, shelter, clothing, romance or anything else.
God has given me desires. They are:
1. Abide in Jesus.
2. Spiritual unity in The Church of fully functioning members that abide in Jesus
3. Proclaiming the word of God to the world, including confronting Satan, by a spiritually united church that abides in Jesus
The last two result only with a 24/7 Kingdom presence that is a result of abiding in Jesus the Savior.
Monday, March 5, 2007
One Church
God tells me to be one with my spiritual family. It is hard yet wonderful. A while back, on a Tuesday night (1-16-07), I went to the streets of Dallas to see if George would let me spend the night at his place, the street. I was walking with him to get cardboard when I asked him in an awkward way. He asked if it was to experience homelessness? I told him it was because God wants his church to be one with each other.
There is no peace on the street, or in some homes for that matter. That night I dealt with fear of getting my stuff taken or being hurt myself. I doubted God and if I could even hear his voice. What am I doing here? Hopelessness. People talking to eachother, smoking, cussing about the cold. People passing through, no respect for sleep. Early, like at 9pm a van drove up yelling, looking for people who wanted to do rehab; no takers. One time a guy drove up to give us a bag full of hamburgers. The guy that was yelling about the cold was placated by people giving out hot chocolate and bread at 11pm. George laughed at me for having a pillow; he sleeps sitting against a wall. He spent a while praying while standing up across the street. He was also looking out for another guy. I finally got to sleep after 2am. I woke up at 4:45am to the noise of freezing rain. I jumped up and started to collect my stuff. Immediately, the man sitting next to me started telling me about a white girl he had in a hotel room. I said, "I'm not interested." He continued by saying it was for him not me but then offering again and again. I kept saying the same three words. Then he asked, "Do you need anything?," which means drugs. I said "no". He said "You don't mess around with anything, do you? How long have you been out here?" I told him I wasn't homeless, I was just hanging out with George. He asked if I was just checking up on him or seeing if he was ok or something. I said, "No, I'm just hanging out with George." I jumped in my luxurious economy car and drove home, then to work after an hour nap. The snow was sticking.
There is no peace on the street, or in some homes for that matter. That night I dealt with fear of getting my stuff taken or being hurt myself. I doubted God and if I could even hear his voice. What am I doing here? Hopelessness. People talking to eachother, smoking, cussing about the cold. People passing through, no respect for sleep. Early, like at 9pm a van drove up yelling, looking for people who wanted to do rehab; no takers. One time a guy drove up to give us a bag full of hamburgers. The guy that was yelling about the cold was placated by people giving out hot chocolate and bread at 11pm. George laughed at me for having a pillow; he sleeps sitting against a wall. He spent a while praying while standing up across the street. He was also looking out for another guy. I finally got to sleep after 2am. I woke up at 4:45am to the noise of freezing rain. I jumped up and started to collect my stuff. Immediately, the man sitting next to me started telling me about a white girl he had in a hotel room. I said, "I'm not interested." He continued by saying it was for him not me but then offering again and again. I kept saying the same three words. Then he asked, "Do you need anything?," which means drugs. I said "no". He said "You don't mess around with anything, do you? How long have you been out here?" I told him I wasn't homeless, I was just hanging out with George. He asked if I was just checking up on him or seeing if he was ok or something. I said, "No, I'm just hanging out with George." I jumped in my luxurious economy car and drove home, then to work after an hour nap. The snow was sticking.
Monday, February 26, 2007
At Work, the Mall, the Streets & Demonic Attacks
Friday (2-23-07) I felt led to say during a meeting at work that Jesus Christ helped me get through some hard times, and that now he is my life and I am fully satisfied in him.
Evangelism is scary to me, so God has been moving me towards it. Last week at my building church and at my simple church I promoted going to the mall on Friday to evangelise. Building church people were interested but busy, sick, scared, or out of town. Maybe next time for them. 9 out of the 14 people from my simple church showed up even though they had further to travel. We split into three teams: three women, two men, and two men and a baby girl. John came later because of traffic. The women talked to a few people, ending up sharing about God to a few people and the Gospel with one Hindu woman that was too scared to talk about what she thought about what happens after death.
The two guys ended up talking to one guy the whole time. He was a believer but not a Jesus follower.
I was with Willie and his daughter (carried in a harness on his chest). He spoke to three Spanish speaking janitors. Two of them jetted when he said something about walking in the spirit. After Willie talked to her for a while, I ended up praying for the one that stayed. Willie translated. She was a christian but had no bible, no church, was lonely and had a sick family member she can't contact. I invited her to my building church which is close to the mall. I didn't offer to give her a ride because I usually show up very late. I wanted to help her get a ride there or somewhere. I will try to see her again with someone willing to help. Much later I bought her a bible but I will have to look for her again. Preston telephoned Willie to come back to talk with the guy he was talking with. That guy opened up about his problems to Willie.
After that guy left we all hung out together as the mall was closing. A good friend from another state called. I had been wanting him to talk to Willie. Willie has dealt with a similar problem that my friend has.
I did not initiate any conversations the whole time, which the accuser used to attacked me.
I was attacked by the devil in different ways. The first was fear and guilt for not evangelising. Also, the mall was full of women without enough covering. I could have gotten whiplash from looking away from all the blatant displays of cleavage. Temptation was all around me but I did not look or dwell or sin. Saturday morning I had a sexual dream. I woke up to disappointment in my non-performance as an evangelizer as well as lust for what was in the dream. I was hit again while with the homeless church because I saw someone on one of the library computers watching a porn movie. I did not look away very fast and I looked again. The last few months I have been advocating being single; but after what I saw on that computer monitor, I instantaneously changed my mind and decided to get married. I was in the flesh for sure. I started acting silly around the guys (a fruit of the flesh for me). One interesting point to note is that I skipped my regular time alone with God on Friday (lunch time) to have lunch with friends to discuss the mall thing. Community is necessary but simple solitary undistracted communion with Jesus is also necessary. Also on the street, I was sad for a woman that put her trust in herself instead of Jesus. She wanted to get off the streets or just hang out with us somewhere. It made me very sad; I wondered if I we could have hung out with her more but I was ready to go. We had been there from 1-9pm. I also felt like a friend of mine neither liked me nor thought I was very useful. I was also attacked on Friday by a gossip report that I should not have participated in regarding blindly spoken, fourth hand information concerning a woman-friend of mine that supposedly thought I was leading her on. It may be true because I sometimes flirt; its an old habit I need to kill. I also think I am doing poorly at work.
Andrea, Nate, and Kelly called me on Sunday, which made me feel like I actually have friends. Kelly came by. Then Nate came over to help me on my house. It was huge that he came over to my house to be my friend because I have been deeply yearning for some close man-friends ever since I got out of the navy.
The men's meeting at my house also helped me, especially when Preston prayed for dependence on God for me and then Willie prayed for me not grow weary of serving the LORD. After they left I called the out of state friend. I told him about the attacks. He said it had been happening to him too. God used it for good.
Street church notes: At the Resource Center we met new people as well as saw people we knew. Kelly was talking to allot of the women including the woman who trusted herself not Jesus. Kelly brought her to us. George was flowing with the Spirit while talking to her. He gently and boldly shared the full gospel as it came up. They really seem to appreciate us hanging out with them for so long. Joe Jackson gave me a hug and someone I don't know gave me a hug from the back and said something like, "I love you man."
Evangelism is scary to me, so God has been moving me towards it. Last week at my building church and at my simple church I promoted going to the mall on Friday to evangelise. Building church people were interested but busy, sick, scared, or out of town. Maybe next time for them. 9 out of the 14 people from my simple church showed up even though they had further to travel. We split into three teams: three women, two men, and two men and a baby girl. John came later because of traffic. The women talked to a few people, ending up sharing about God to a few people and the Gospel with one Hindu woman that was too scared to talk about what she thought about what happens after death.
The two guys ended up talking to one guy the whole time. He was a believer but not a Jesus follower.
I was with Willie and his daughter (carried in a harness on his chest). He spoke to three Spanish speaking janitors. Two of them jetted when he said something about walking in the spirit. After Willie talked to her for a while, I ended up praying for the one that stayed. Willie translated. She was a christian but had no bible, no church, was lonely and had a sick family member she can't contact. I invited her to my building church which is close to the mall. I didn't offer to give her a ride because I usually show up very late. I wanted to help her get a ride there or somewhere. I will try to see her again with someone willing to help. Much later I bought her a bible but I will have to look for her again. Preston telephoned Willie to come back to talk with the guy he was talking with. That guy opened up about his problems to Willie.
After that guy left we all hung out together as the mall was closing. A good friend from another state called. I had been wanting him to talk to Willie. Willie has dealt with a similar problem that my friend has.
I did not initiate any conversations the whole time, which the accuser used to attacked me.
I was attacked by the devil in different ways. The first was fear and guilt for not evangelising. Also, the mall was full of women without enough covering. I could have gotten whiplash from looking away from all the blatant displays of cleavage. Temptation was all around me but I did not look or dwell or sin. Saturday morning I had a sexual dream. I woke up to disappointment in my non-performance as an evangelizer as well as lust for what was in the dream. I was hit again while with the homeless church because I saw someone on one of the library computers watching a porn movie. I did not look away very fast and I looked again. The last few months I have been advocating being single; but after what I saw on that computer monitor, I instantaneously changed my mind and decided to get married. I was in the flesh for sure. I started acting silly around the guys (a fruit of the flesh for me). One interesting point to note is that I skipped my regular time alone with God on Friday (lunch time) to have lunch with friends to discuss the mall thing. Community is necessary but simple solitary undistracted communion with Jesus is also necessary. Also on the street, I was sad for a woman that put her trust in herself instead of Jesus. She wanted to get off the streets or just hang out with us somewhere. It made me very sad; I wondered if I we could have hung out with her more but I was ready to go. We had been there from 1-9pm. I also felt like a friend of mine neither liked me nor thought I was very useful. I was also attacked on Friday by a gossip report that I should not have participated in regarding blindly spoken, fourth hand information concerning a woman-friend of mine that supposedly thought I was leading her on. It may be true because I sometimes flirt; its an old habit I need to kill. I also think I am doing poorly at work.
Andrea, Nate, and Kelly called me on Sunday, which made me feel like I actually have friends. Kelly came by. Then Nate came over to help me on my house. It was huge that he came over to my house to be my friend because I have been deeply yearning for some close man-friends ever since I got out of the navy.
The men's meeting at my house also helped me, especially when Preston prayed for dependence on God for me and then Willie prayed for me not grow weary of serving the LORD. After they left I called the out of state friend. I told him about the attacks. He said it had been happening to him too. God used it for good.
Street church notes: At the Resource Center we met new people as well as saw people we knew. Kelly was talking to allot of the women including the woman who trusted herself not Jesus. Kelly brought her to us. George was flowing with the Spirit while talking to her. He gently and boldly shared the full gospel as it came up. They really seem to appreciate us hanging out with them for so long. Joe Jackson gave me a hug and someone I don't know gave me a hug from the back and said something like, "I love you man."
Monday, February 19, 2007
Connections
I was not involved with the church from 1997 to July 2006. Now I have been involved with a few different churches. God initiated my involvement via emotional pain. (Thank you.)
Last Friday, 2-2-07, God showed me ways to bring some people together in a very small way. It involved my building church small group (the Journey) that was doing an outreach to the homeless in Ft. Worth. I invited people from my organic simple church (the Way); two showed up (Nate and Andrea). Bill, one of the elders of the homeless church in Dallas came with me. He served people food and water. Nate initiated a conversation about Jesus with someone who was mad at God for what he has been through. Andrea jumped in and gave her testimony about the hard things she has gone through. Later Nate connected with that guy on the movie Tombstone. Julia and I talked to some christian guys that needed encouragement. There is already a church among the Ft. Worth homeless; I would like to see them function better and more deliberately together. That is how I feel about the church everywhere and in every circumstance (like at where I work). It might not sound like much but to me it was great to see the church from different parts funtioning together.
Bill stayed at my place. Spending some time together showed me things we have in common... in Christ. He wanted me to meet people from his home church. He is an white man that belongs to an all black building church. I brought him to the "lay preacher" Carlos' house. I saw true unity in the Spirit. The three of us were totally different; we had nothing in common. We were different culturally, financially, racially. Carlos had a wife and a kid living with him. Bill and I don't have that. Carlos and I have a house, Bill doesn't. The three of us had radically differnt personallities. All this to say, WE ARE ONE in the spirit. We connected in Jesus, if nothing else, and it was so much more than enough. Being around Carlos for that hour brought out from me a deeper love of God and more sincere prayer, reaching out to Jesus in prayer with my spiritual brothers Bill and Carlos; I saw part of myself that I have never seen, not even while alone.
I connect with my older blood brother from the same mother in more ways than I connect with anyone. I think I have always loved him more than anyone. But concerning Christ, we don't connect; which is truly the only point of connection that matters. His wife and I don't connect on anything but Christ; and that is everything, so I have a real connection with her.
At work I am being a tiny bit more open but I am only making baby steps in sharing. There are a few confessing christians there but I have only just begun to connect with one christian there. It is very encouraging for me. At my organic simple churches we are really starting to connect in a deeper way, by actually seeing eachother on days other than the official meeting. We are sharing what God puts on our hearts and seeking to help eachother do them. We MUST praise Jesus alone for this.
Last Friday, 2-2-07, God showed me ways to bring some people together in a very small way. It involved my building church small group (the Journey) that was doing an outreach to the homeless in Ft. Worth. I invited people from my organic simple church (the Way); two showed up (Nate and Andrea). Bill, one of the elders of the homeless church in Dallas came with me. He served people food and water. Nate initiated a conversation about Jesus with someone who was mad at God for what he has been through. Andrea jumped in and gave her testimony about the hard things she has gone through. Later Nate connected with that guy on the movie Tombstone. Julia and I talked to some christian guys that needed encouragement. There is already a church among the Ft. Worth homeless; I would like to see them function better and more deliberately together. That is how I feel about the church everywhere and in every circumstance (like at where I work). It might not sound like much but to me it was great to see the church from different parts funtioning together.
Bill stayed at my place. Spending some time together showed me things we have in common... in Christ. He wanted me to meet people from his home church. He is an white man that belongs to an all black building church. I brought him to the "lay preacher" Carlos' house. I saw true unity in the Spirit. The three of us were totally different; we had nothing in common. We were different culturally, financially, racially. Carlos had a wife and a kid living with him. Bill and I don't have that. Carlos and I have a house, Bill doesn't. The three of us had radically differnt personallities. All this to say, WE ARE ONE in the spirit. We connected in Jesus, if nothing else, and it was so much more than enough. Being around Carlos for that hour brought out from me a deeper love of God and more sincere prayer, reaching out to Jesus in prayer with my spiritual brothers Bill and Carlos; I saw part of myself that I have never seen, not even while alone.
I connect with my older blood brother from the same mother in more ways than I connect with anyone. I think I have always loved him more than anyone. But concerning Christ, we don't connect; which is truly the only point of connection that matters. His wife and I don't connect on anything but Christ; and that is everything, so I have a real connection with her.
At work I am being a tiny bit more open but I am only making baby steps in sharing. There are a few confessing christians there but I have only just begun to connect with one christian there. It is very encouraging for me. At my organic simple churches we are really starting to connect in a deeper way, by actually seeing eachother on days other than the official meeting. We are sharing what God puts on our hearts and seeking to help eachother do them. We MUST praise Jesus alone for this.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
This Saturday with the Homeless
John Lunt, a good friend that walks with me on the streets didn't come today because he hurt his knee last Saturday. Today started out looking really grim for the homeless church. When I showed up in front of the library at 1:30pm I saw three of the church guys. There were probably twenty other homeless people on the benches outside of the library. One of the church guys got upset because I told him I had talked to John about not thinking cell phones were a need that we should provide for. There was an argument about it resulting in him declaring, "I'm too angry to do the bible study with you guys." I left it alone but George could see I wasn't ok. I told him it was because I am stressing at work because I have been slacking and taking too long on my job the Shore (a condo in Austin) but also concerning the argument. It was nearly 2pm and George was the only one wanting to hang with me. I might have been the plague to the street church because of my inadequate "leadership," but I wasn't going to let it hinder God's work. Me, George, Jesus... what else do I need? I continued to talk to George. I asked George, "If me and John stop coming, will you guys continue to meet?" He said with definite authority, "No." I probed more, and was disappointed to find out that they would not commune or meet with each other without us outsiders being there. Then John showed up (not John Lunt, a different guy). He is also a good friend to me and always brings a joyful attitude. But he didn't look like he was doing very well. I asked and we talked about what it was; very good honest things came from it. George said lots of people were doing bad this week. Lawrence was there too. We hung out in front of the library for a while. George kept asking if we were going to go in front of City Hall, where we have been studying the book of John. I deliberately persisted in remaining a non-decider. George FINALLY took the lead, with a little assistance, to move to City Hall. So it was me, George, Lawrence, and John when Bill and Jeffery showed up. Bill had been having aches and pains. Kelly showed up with the sloppy joes, bananas, apples, and carrots. Other folks showed up, namely Renae, Wayne and Daniel. George prayed. We ate. Good stuff. Daniel left. I suggested we all pray, each of us. Jeffery started with the LORD's prayer. In turn we all prayed, some offering extra words to YHWH. We went through John 4:27-38. Discussion was so thick and rich. Renae has gifts similar to Lawrence's. There was a time when three or four conversations about the Harvest were going on at once between only 9 people. It was awesome. Everyone seems eager to follow Christ in this way. Also, I shared about having doubts about God and also that I had been disobedient concerning two specific opportunities he had given me to witness about Jesus that I hadn't taken. There were other confessions, discussions and encouragements. I am so proud of the work Jesus has done in John, how far he has taken him because he was teaching Wayne and sharing with him. John is a quick learner, honest, and humble. He still needs guidance though he always has lots of questions; but he can teach in practical ways what he does know of the lord. All the guys are on fire for God; they are encouragers, prophets, teachers and evangelists; real leaders. There were times when the discussion climaxed into a crescendo of exaltations to our LORD Jesus, claiming his righteousness and declaring his victory over satan and death and sin. Lawrence laughing with joy said satan must hate this, that we are all praising Jesus regardless of anything that happens to us. Earlier someone said something about having the peace of Christ and that nothing could take that away. We talked of needing to know the word for when we don't have the bible with us or for when bibles won't be available. It was beautiful. Everyone was reluctant to leave.
Kelly and I opted to hang out longer with some of them. We went to the store with them. I saw Joe who joined us. On the way we saw Alonzo, and met Collin and Reggie. We walked and talked about stuff. George gave me a tour of a different wealthy downtown area. Later we hung out at the Resource Center. Collin and Reggie were there. Me, Kelly, George, Bill, John, Collin, Reggie and a couple other Christians hung out there by the entrance for two hours talking about food and Jesus. Bill walked Kelly and I back to our cars. I gave him a ride to his camp. Kelly called John Lunt to tell him a summary of the events.
Kelly and I opted to hang out longer with some of them. We went to the store with them. I saw Joe who joined us. On the way we saw Alonzo, and met Collin and Reggie. We walked and talked about stuff. George gave me a tour of a different wealthy downtown area. Later we hung out at the Resource Center. Collin and Reggie were there. Me, Kelly, George, Bill, John, Collin, Reggie and a couple other Christians hung out there by the entrance for two hours talking about food and Jesus. Bill walked Kelly and I back to our cars. I gave him a ride to his camp. Kelly called John Lunt to tell him a summary of the events.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Me
God speaks to me. I grew up in a questionable church. I have never had a leadership position in a church, or anywhere else for that matter. I was a third-class petty officer in the US Navy, but I was a dirtbag. I abused alcohol and got in trouble a few times. I should have been kicked out of the Navy; I decided never to drink again. I dropped out of college. I got dumped by my fiance 15 days before the wedding; I'm a secure bachelor now.
I have never done great things for God; but his Spirit did begin a mighty work in my life when I was 17 (a junior in high school). Also since then I have been involved with death-metal music, sexual sin, foolish talk, time wasting, idolatry (of myself, athletics, family, woman, adventure), posing, and living a lie with a mask on. God works with me in the midst of my imperfection. WHILE I am still a sinner he gently takes me back. His love is amazing. Jesus is my life. When I ABIDE in him (ABIDE = he IS my life = full spirit = on fire for God = walking in the Spirit... etc), he gives me easy outs for all temptations; he also speaks to me specific things and guides my life. He gives me life. There is no life outside him. The fate of the world depends on him. I am weak but he is strong. I am an infant at walking in the spirit. But my teacher is infinate.
I have never done great things for God; but his Spirit did begin a mighty work in my life when I was 17 (a junior in high school). Also since then I have been involved with death-metal music, sexual sin, foolish talk, time wasting, idolatry (of myself, athletics, family, woman, adventure), posing, and living a lie with a mask on. God works with me in the midst of my imperfection. WHILE I am still a sinner he gently takes me back. His love is amazing. Jesus is my life. When I ABIDE in him (ABIDE = he IS my life = full spirit = on fire for God = walking in the Spirit... etc), he gives me easy outs for all temptations; he also speaks to me specific things and guides my life. He gives me life. There is no life outside him. The fate of the world depends on him. I am weak but he is strong. I am an infant at walking in the spirit. But my teacher is infinate.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
The One True Church
Christians are the church. They are sprinkled throughout the people groups like salt. They are connected to eachother in various ways. Some are disconnected.
Some things the church is segregated by are geography, language, personal status/income, culture, denominations, doctrines, type of meetings, leaders, pride, fear, complacency, and narrow minded traditions posing as the truth. Satan is the divider.
Some christians have church meeting times in a home once a week. Some christians are homeless. Some meet once or twice a week in a building as part of a denomination. These building-churches have small-groups which tend to segregate based on age, education, gender, marital status, and children, to name a few.
Some openly speak of Jesus and be his disciples in their life everywhere they are and go. There are christians that walk together in life. They do not exclude; they may meet with you in your building church or small group. We will know eachother in the grocery stores and at work because of our unselfish awareness and care of others, and our Kingdom mindedness. It is not all about me.
You may be walking with other christians in different ways. You may talk about your own problems to someone; if you listen or help. You may share grand visions and work towards them. Someone may teach others; someone may share his time, his money, his gift. There is mutual encouragement, correction and confession. Don't just be involved but be who you are in the Body in an active way. There is much to do; follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. Nothing can contain God's Spirit; he moves anywhere and in any way he wants. My friend John says the Spirit will be a raging river that none can stand against, that all will be purified to his will.
Let's be one church. And let's not forget the poor and the persecuted church throughout the world. How can we be one with them? I know praying for them and caring for them even though we don't know them can work miracles. How else can we be one with them? How can we be one with the homeless? They are with us here, so we can be their friends and help them. We can share dreams together and connect in all the ways friends in the church connect.
From our one true church network (all christians everywhere) will flow the Spirit of Jesus healing and giving true life to the world. He will reach the unreached and the world through his church.
Some things the church is segregated by are geography, language, personal status/income, culture, denominations, doctrines, type of meetings, leaders, pride, fear, complacency, and narrow minded traditions posing as the truth. Satan is the divider.
Some christians have church meeting times in a home once a week. Some christians are homeless. Some meet once or twice a week in a building as part of a denomination. These building-churches have small-groups which tend to segregate based on age, education, gender, marital status, and children, to name a few.
Some openly speak of Jesus and be his disciples in their life everywhere they are and go. There are christians that walk together in life. They do not exclude; they may meet with you in your building church or small group. We will know eachother in the grocery stores and at work because of our unselfish awareness and care of others, and our Kingdom mindedness. It is not all about me.
You may be walking with other christians in different ways. You may talk about your own problems to someone; if you listen or help. You may share grand visions and work towards them. Someone may teach others; someone may share his time, his money, his gift. There is mutual encouragement, correction and confession. Don't just be involved but be who you are in the Body in an active way. There is much to do; follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. Nothing can contain God's Spirit; he moves anywhere and in any way he wants. My friend John says the Spirit will be a raging river that none can stand against, that all will be purified to his will.
Let's be one church. And let's not forget the poor and the persecuted church throughout the world. How can we be one with them? I know praying for them and caring for them even though we don't know them can work miracles. How else can we be one with them? How can we be one with the homeless? They are with us here, so we can be their friends and help them. We can share dreams together and connect in all the ways friends in the church connect.
From our one true church network (all christians everywhere) will flow the Spirit of Jesus healing and giving true life to the world. He will reach the unreached and the world through his church.
Monday, January 22, 2007
One
Jesus is one with his dad. He wants us to be one with him. He also wants us to be one with eachother; which is imposible without his Spirit in us. Connect with God; connect with people. Even deeper, love God with all you are because he IS our life. Care about other people like you care about yourself. There are powerful results that come from this because of the Spirit flowing from within us when we are filled with him.
What does it look like to love God? Would we be committed to him like in a marriage? Would we talk to him? Would we listen... and obey? How does he speak to us? What would he tell us to do?
What does it look like to love God? Would we be committed to him like in a marriage? Would we talk to him? Would we listen... and obey? How does he speak to us? What would he tell us to do?
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